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Ghetto Golf Newcastle – The Most Fun I’ve Had on a Weeknight (AD)

A round of golf at Ghetto Golf, Newcastle

Ghetto Golf has arrived in Newcastle. The opening night was the most fun I’ve had on a weeknight in a very long time. You may have played crazy golf before but scrap any preconceived ideas you have. This is no ordinary game of mini-golf. Instead of knocking a ball around a twee course filled with fake grass and windmills, think x-rated themed holes which included a gross men’s toilet, a sex show, and a good old British pub. Needless to say, Ghetto Golf Newcastle is not for the faint of heart.

Playing Ghetto Golf in an oversized claw machine

Booking a Round of Ghetto Golf in Newcastle

Ghetto Golf, Newcastle is located in Hoult’s Yard just around the corner from Tyne Bank Brewery. At first, I thought this was a little out of the way but if you wanted to make a night of it there are plenty of bars in the Ouseburn Valley you could visit as well as a stroll along the Quayside, too. If you’re the designated driver beware that only the first hour is free to park at Hoult’s Yard. And, trust me, you’ll definitely be in Ghetto Golf longer than an hour.

You have two options when it comes to booking a round of golf. You can book online, which I’d recommend as it seems super popular, or you can tun up and hope for the best. As it’s strictly over 18 be prepared to show your ID if you have a babyface, as they have a challenge 25 policy. A standard 18-hole round of golf is £18 per person. You can book various other packages including the ‘Birdie’ (£20) – golf + two drinks per person, and the ‘eagle’ (£30) – golf, 2 cocktails, 1 shot and a bottle of beer or prosecco per person. I think the prices are fairly reasonable, but once you add food into the mix it gets a little pricey. And trust me, you’re going to want to try the food.

Apocalypse Cow at Ghetto Golf

If I’m honest, the food from Apocalypse Cow at Ghetto Golf Newcastle may have been my favourite bit. I mean, yes, the golf was super fun, but the food was incredible. I’d suggest either waiting until after your round of golf or arriving at least an hour before your slot so you have enough time to order, eat and really appreciate the delicious food.

I went for the Cheese and Bacon Burger (does what it says on the tin) with some Smoked Halloumi Chips topped with Maple Syrup and Bacon Dust. Both were so good and I’d 100% have either again. I couldn’t finish them as the portions are very generous. Rob went for the Salt and Pepper Chicken Burger along with Orimental! Kamikaze Fries. The fries were loaded with chicken, peppers, onion, chili, Hoisin Sauce and Siracha mayo. I can attest for the fries being out of this world. They are not something I’d have ordered myself but they were so good I’d definitely considering ordering them next time. Or at least steal some of Rob’s food.

Make A Night of it

Ghetto Golf is the perfect place to spend the whole evening in Newcastle. You can have a few drinks as you play golf – you can actually take your drinks onto the course and there’s a bar halfway around so you don’t have to go back to the main bar. Once you’ve finished golf, make your way to Apocalypse Cow for food, and stick around for an hour or two to sample the varied cocktail menu.

The venue has some really cool decor, alongside the imaginative holes on the course. Every inch of wall and ceiling is covered with graffiti, all done by local artists. There are so many Geordie references that you’ll find something new everywhere you look. On the opening night, we were given a sharpie to write on the walls of the hole that is done out like a toilet block. It was so much fun, and there was a lot of funny things there!

The only negative I’d say is that it could be a fairly costly night. Our food should have been £29.50, and that’s without drinks. Add on £10 each for the golf and probably another £10 for the two soft drinks we had each. That’s an easy £60 without any alcoholic drinks. Although you could easily spend that on an evening at the cinema with food I guess.

Amazing graffiti at Ghetto Golf Newcastle

I’d 100% recommend a visit to Ghetto Golf Newcastle. It would be fab a hen/stag do, birthdays or even just a cool date night. Check out my Instastories for more pictures from the opening night. I’ll definitely be heading back to Ghetto Golf Newcastle in the near future. Will you?

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2 COMMENTS

  • Stuart Forster

    I also thought it made for a cracking night out. The holes were certainly imaginatively decorated.

    • Laura
      AUTHOR

      I really want to go back and try some cocktails – I had work the next day so could only have a soft drink!

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